So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
