Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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