THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
