Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
