You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
