Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
