How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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