I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
