I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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