think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have peed in a lot of sinks
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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