i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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