the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if only i could text you this smell
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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