No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i think my mom watched the whole time
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
