I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
