I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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