It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
