HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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