Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
