a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
