When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
