So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize