You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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