Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
