Me too!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
