the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
