We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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