Non-Jews are for practice
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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