I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
