Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
