I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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