I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
