I'm gonna have a badass scar
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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