I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
