I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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