i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
