I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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