We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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