I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
