If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
