Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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