This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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