if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
