she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize