And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
