we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
