Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
