I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
