BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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