Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
