he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize