Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
