those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
