just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
