I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
