i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize