you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize