Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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