I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
