grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
