having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
