mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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